Spread Sheet Nightmares

Warning: If an awkward blonde wearing a name tag that says Laura turns out to be your server at Palio, run.

It was Mother-Daughter Date Night with the Muskrat ladies last night, and although it ended up being something to laugh about, it was a seriously poor display of waitressing. I'm pretty sure I could have done better without even being trained, or at least I hope I could have because this girl was scatter brained on top of awkward on top of unconfident on top of slow on top of nervous. Not what one would normally consider to be a winning combination in the service of serving.

I do believe one of the top moments of the dinner was when it came time to top our entrees with parmesan cheese. Rachel got it first with a minor sprinkling on the lap, and although Laura noticed and apologized, she continued to quite literally douse me with the parm. Nothing a good stand up and shake can't fix, but I mean part of the reason you're holding the block of cheese with a napkin is to shield the customer from the 30% chance of cheese showers. And I will give her some credit because about 1/6 of the cheese shreds landed on my hand and arm that was laying in my lap so I had the chance to shake that part off into my dinner.

Ooh! My Casperlike skin tone has taken a turn towards a color other than white! Despite the fact that I applied sunscreen, the sun assaulted my skin and turned it an angry, yet rosy shade of red but only in specific places. Considering this was two days ago, I feel as if the burn shouldn't still hurt at this point...but who am I to determine these things?

In other news, office work has entered into my dreams. I had an extremely stressful dream last night about a SPREAD SHEET. I kid you not. I'm 99.9% certain that there was a lot more to it than that, but the main issue was the darn Excel document. Feel free to call me crazy.

Plagued By a Severe Case of the Dropsies

Yesterday was a DAY. Holy moly. Yes, one of those days. I was all over the place and thankfully not all of it was witnessed by actual humans, but since I'm posting it on here now all the world can hear the trials and tribulations experienced by the one and only me on the lovely day of May 4th.

Anyways...I headed to work at 9:00 (brutal, the 9-5 schedule legitimately sucks the life out of me) and nearly hit a few people on my maiden voyage of the newly tuned up bicycle (thanks Brain). Arrived at work, panting and sweating profusely due to my extreme state of being out of shape, trucked up three flights of stairs and plopped for a millisecond. Then I continued the lovely process of continuing to file a bajillion samples into two very large and hefty binders. This darn project should be re-titled Paper Cut-a-palooza as opposed to File Away Your Life because I procured far too many paper cuts for any normal person to endure in one eight-hour time period. Gah, the horror!

Now...I ran out of those lovely plastic cover sheets at one point and so I headed down to the supply shelves on a hunt for more. Now, mind you, those darn things are so flippin' slippery! Naturally I grabbed a stack of them and all but the top and the bottom one went flying all over the place. As the official Newb of the office, I just muttered "typical" under my breath as I bent over to pick them all up...only knocking over a few metal cylinders and causing a slight ruckus. Thank heavens no one was down there with me...unless of course they were secretly lurking behind the shelves. Yikes.

Then I headed back up to my little office with a huge window and proceeded to spill them all over. Again. I kid you not, I am an idiot.

Anyways, I managed to keep my composure for the rest of the day and ended the day with a lovely (but also time lengthening) textual conversation with the Brain...counting down the minutes until we were freed of our respective work areas. His being "The Cave" (a closet) and mine being...well "The Little Office with a Huge Window."

Made it home without taking anyone out...although it was far busier on my ride home than the 9 a.m. ride there. Obviously. Should have been expecting that.

Twas waffle night at the Gregorka Household since the Faj took a hiatus in Seattle for the gigantic conference that has made up the logo decorating his e-mail signature for months. I headed home on the two-wheeled wonder, which was exciting to be able to whiz home so quickly on a bike! All the while saving the atmosphere and gasoline! Win win situation. The trouble began when the Maj sent me to Arbor Farms to pick up some strawbs and a cantaloup...oh and some spinach-y egg salad thing. No problem right? Wrong. Incorrect. False. I made it to the check out just fine, and then the checkout lady asked if I wanted a bag, but I figured since I made it there without a bag, I could definitely get to the car. Wrong. Incorrect. False. Yet again. As I swept the strawberries off the counter, they went flying into the air, and landed with the crunch of plastic as they all leapt to their death on the grocery store floor. Cue Andrea leaning over red-faced picking up the strawberries one-by-one as customers flowed by and the cashiers stared at me. Oy way to go me!

Naturally when I arrived home it turned out we didn't even need them, because the older pack sufficed. Garsh.

Then came the lovely ride home. Shoved my keys, phone, and iPod into my short pockets and headed east down Liberty back to the Chateau. Riding along without a clue...rockin' out to my lovely tunes...upon my return home I realized that I was missing a key piece of equipment in the form of a silver cell phone. Ruh roh. Must've just taken a leap to its death as I was riding home, and naturally I didn't hear it clang on the asphalt because I was jammin' to the music that was somewhat blasting out of my earbuds. Therefore, I hopped back on the bike and started retracing my Chateau-Bound Route of travel. Along the way I ran into the Maj who was out on a walk and alerted her of the situation slash set her on the lookout for the M.I.A. LG Slide telephone.

I then continued my horrible uphill (slow) trek to Ridgemor Drive and found the Brain speeding down the driveway on his two-wheeled cycle. He instructed me to follow him because he was going to pick up my phone. Pick up my phone?! Holy muffins! Hallelujah there IS a god! We headed to the old neighborhood across the woods and picked up my wonderful phone from a fantastical good samaritan. Goodness I love Ann Arbor.

The best part is, the only reason she found my phone is because she thought she did the same thing, so she was riding back looking for her phone when she came across mine! Don't worry folks, hers ended up being on the counter at home. Hahaha oy.

Anyways, that was the end of that adventure and extremely difficult day due to my lack of coordination and brain activity. Womp City.

ESL Mania en la AADL

Took a trip to the grand ol' Ann Arbor District Library on Tuesday for the first time to actually study (as opposed to hang out Matilda Style and read like old times or just pop in and grab whatever I might have on hold) and it was fairly successful. At least for a little bit. Just so you're aware, since I definitely wasn't, Tuesdays at 6:00 in the AADL equals the ESL Brigade Takeover of the Third Floor. This was quite the spectacle to see, and don't get me wrong, it was very cool to see so many younger people helping out with the multitude of Spanish speakers that need assistance in the english department, but doesn't exactly make for a quiet study area.

I was doing pretty darn well if I do say so myself until one distinct little sentence floated into my ear hole. Now, had the Virginian not looked up at me on the verge of bursting out in laughter, I probably would have been able to hold it together somewhat...but I feel a little better about myself because as the days have passed, I'm pretty much 110% convinced that anyone with even a minimal sense of humor would laugh at the following in the same or a similar situation:

"Take off your clothes, but leave your shorts on."

Mmmm okay, looking at it now I'm not nearly as convinced that the majority of humans would find that hilarious...but considering it just arose out of practically nothing made it that much better. There were a few other additional winning statements including, but not limited to:

• "I only crossed my legs for like a second, but then it fell asleep!"
• "Yeah, at this concert in Detroit they even felt under your bra."
• "Pregnant."
• "Salazar?! That's my name!!"

Hopefully there is a soul out there that is moderately entertained by such bilingual nonsense. I never quite understood why we learned some of the things we did in Spanish...such as 'pilotar una avioneta' (yes, to fly a single engine plane)...but apparently Spanish isn't the only language that teaches things someone will never use in real life...English does it too!

In other news...

• I have reinstated my presence on the world of Twitter. Attending all of these communications speaking events has convinced me it's a bit of a necessity. Besides, finals are creeping up at a rapid speed and it'll give me one more internet outlet to procrastinate. Necessary? Not at all, but it's going to be fine.
• Allergies are a bit crazy today...probably shouldn't be sitting outside on the porch, but I can't help but take advantage of the weather while it's possible...ya never do know with this crazy state surrounded by lakes. Haven't yet broken my record of...I think seventeen sneezes in a row from years past...I only let about nine fly this morning. One of which was a hicc-eeze. Sneeze and hiccup at the same time (don't try this at home, it's not the most comfortable way to start off the day).
• Street cleaners are practically taking over the downtown area lately. I acknowledge that I used to be mildly obsessed with street cleaners when I was younger and got some weird thrill from driving behind them at a snail pace watching those giant bristly spinners do their job...but I've come to wonder...why in the world do they exist?! Why must we "clean the street?" Its not like it sparkles after they blow by at 5 m.p.h., nor do we (or I suppose, I) plan on eating off of the asphalt any time soon, it's definitely not thorough...it leaves about four measly lines of wetness, they're really quite noisy, they hold up traffic, and the street doesn't even look different post-cleansing. I'm legitimately curious about this, so perhaps I shall Google it!
• Waking up at the butt crack of dawn to deliver the parentals to the airport definitely wasn't at the top of my voluntary to-do list, but the task was completed with success.
• Big Brother Skeletor is competing in the triathlon nationals with his gaggle of U of Illinois comrades this weekend in the great state of Texas...so good luck to all of them! Hopefully they pull out a great success, because as we all full well know, everything's bigger in Texas! That was dumb. I apologize. I seriously couldn't come up with anything better.
• Finally, I smell either Blimpy Burger in all its glory or someone is grilling hamburgers right now and I can't even pretend like I'm not jealous of some stranger's impending red meat consumption...

That is all! Enjoy this glorious Spring day to all my fellow Ann Arborites and T.G.I.F. to the rest of the blog reading community!

Slate Hands

My hands have smelled like those stupid "slates" (otherwise known as mini chalkboards) that we used to have to use in elementary school and then erase with an old sock that you had brought from home all day today. I'm not sure what the issue is...perhaps it's my nose, although the fact that I'm sneezing every three minutes makes that kind of hard to believe. I feel as if that would allow different smells to be filtered through, but anyvays. Yes, I have washed them multiple times, I've used Purell, hand creme, you name it, I've tried it. So odd how that happens. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour stage. I also suppose I shouldn't be obsessively smelling my hands all day...that's a little odd now that I've written an entire paragraph on the matter.

Headed back to Slauson earlier today after a lovely week off due to the AAPS Spring Break. I have to say, the week break was kind of cruel because it made the return visit that much worse. I had tasted life without crazy middle schoolers and I sure liked it. Oh well, a week and a half more and we shall be home free from Golden Bear Land. The usual characters appeared for a lovely hour of swimming up and down that pool that has really deteriorated since my day. It's also possible that I just didn't care to notice the quality of the facilities when I was 11 years old, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it has fallen apart. Although I was pleasantly surprised to see that the giant millipede was no longer dead on the bottom of the pool (and that there wouldn't be any crying sixth graders feeling ill because it was in their lane...I kid you not, this really happened. Actual tears). There also weren't any dumb comments about me not being in a cast anymore...it only took four weeks for those to cease! Bahaha unreal. They're entertaining, and also a new level of irritating. The good news is that most of the time they're swimming, and can't hear the slew of comments I pass off to my fellow coaches...

I am free from the Paratransit Van!! Rejoice! I can now pretty much successfully make it to all of my classes. A couple of em' I really have to slow down for after about twelve minutes, but for the most part I'm darn satisfied. Physical therapy is going just swell! I was praised today for my crossfrictioning of the scar site...Star Patient right here. Hahaha so sad. One would think that after nine years of PT, I would have the drill down. Well folks, looks like I finally do!

But alas it has reached the midnight hour, and this little piggy must hit the hay. Onward to the second to last Tuesday of class! Holy woah!

Hyperactivity. My Apologies.

Developmental psych. Psych 250. We're nearing the end of the semester, so obviously we're nearing the end of the lifespan which means the elderly are taking over the Powerpoints! Oooh and boy is it grand. But also sad. Especially since apparently you start losing memory capacity when you turn TWENTY. That's just not even fair. Slash makes me feel actually old for being twenty instead of fake old simply for no longer being a teenager.

Anyways, we had to watch a bunch of little video clips where it showed these old people attempting memory tasks and it was just so painful to watch. Lists of words they had to repeat back and just couldn't. Oooh golly I don't want to get old. How frustrating is that going to be?! Ay yi yi and this one man was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Sad stuff I tell ya, sad stuff indeed.

In other news!! I received fantastical news today and I am going to see Owl City in concert with Magman and friends on the 29th! So exciting! The perfect end of finals treat if I do say so myself. :) Oh my oh my oh my. I am just so freaking hyper and excited for some slightly unknown reason!

OH and did ya'll hear the thunder this morning?! Talk about a great way to start the day! And it was super warm...albeit rainy, but I mean. Can't have everything! AND I walked to my second class, and all the way home today! Holy Moses there ARE a lot of reasons to be happy. AND THE TREES. Are finally sprouting leaves. And flowers. And it smells glorious. And I DON'T EVEN KNOW. This isn't even an entertaining post I'm just overly excitedddd currentlyyy!

Happy Hump Day Everyoneeee

Bulldozing

As I made my way on foot from Angell Hall over to the lovely Dennison Fortress this morning I encountered a very distracted walker ahead of me. Equipped with giant headphones and a blue backpack this boy first literally stopped traffic in order to poke at a frozen puddle with his toe (not gonna lie, it looked really tempting...so it was kind of understandable), and second just stopped out of the blue to bend over and pick up a penny (I would have done the same had I seen it...and considered giving him a slight nudge so as to start some sort of penny war...just for kicks). Now, given that I understand both of these actions, I also nearly plowed the dude over. I'm on a slight mission in between classes (especially on Friday mornings because my first discussion always gets out late and my second one always starts early) and so I tend to hustle through the Diag on occasion. This makes for bad things to happen when people enter my pathway. Also, considering winter came back for a little visit on this fine morning, I wasn't exactly dressed correctly for the slightly Arctic temperature and so I was really looking forward to entering the Dennison Fortress upon my arrival. Hence, hustle.

Australian Rules Football = Suh-weet.

Definitely not on top of my game this morning. A toss and turn filled night of slumber (thank you once again construction...slash body's inability to rest peacefully) led to extreme tiredness which in turn skewed my normal on-top-of-things state into a scrambling mess. Stats was A-okay...got there on time (early even!) thanks to Paratransit, but then it was off to Psych to take an exam. As I rode there the feeling of doom entered my stomach as I realized that the two pencils I always use for exam taking were perched atop my desk at home (and I didn't have any others in my backpack writing utensil pouch) and that my Student I.D. was sitting in my wallet in my rain coat since it was rainy yesterday as opposed to my fleece for the slight chill that was today.

Anyways, plopped in the nearest open seat (since I was late. Thank you, Paratransit), asked to borrow a pencil from a friendly neighbor, and continued to pound out the wonderful 62-question multiple choice test all the while scheming up a way to get out of needing my I.D. to turn in my exam. Now, on a normal exam day (for instance, the first two), the I.D. wouldn't be a problem because my GSI was always present and could confirm my identity...but naturally, the one time I forget it, good ol' Jessica is playing hooky in Psych 250. Womp. It turned out not to be such a big deal...and definitely wasn't worth the amount of sweat that apparently had poured out in all my worrying. I do believe the GSI who took my exam may have been aware that I was slightly distraught due to the red color of my face and sweat happening all over the place so he just made me swear I was who I claimed I was...which I did...and then I also blurted out an explanation that I'm the freak with the crutches who has sat in the first row that last two weeks with my giant leg up on the railing. I don't think he cared. Since he just kind of blankly stared. So I walked away mentally hitting myself for allowing that wonderful story to slip from my lips.

Sociology was great! My GSI lectured (the Australian with the great accent, huge and long super curly hair, and tiny little frame) about Rugby League, Rugby Union, and Australian Rules Football. If I ever get the chance to attain my dream of traveling to Australia, I must see both an Australian Rules Professional Football game as well as a Pro Rugby League game. So entertaining. Just check out this video:

2009 AFL Mark of the Year

The real question is...how do more people not acquire serious injuries? Or perhaps he failed to mention that stat during lecture...probably the more likely option!